im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
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