Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
The ass gains better be worth it
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