I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
