I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
