At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
He kissed a someone with a penis
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
