There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
