apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Randomize
