So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
