I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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