Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
