i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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