YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
