Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
