i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
