That's when you crack a 10am beer
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
