im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
