I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
The feeling are messing with the penis
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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