can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
