Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
