You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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