I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
