I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
