therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
