There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
