it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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