shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
