dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
