just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
not ubering you a puppy
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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