I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
