The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
