no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
