You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
