talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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