Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
