You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
