let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
