oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
