Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
