you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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