roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Couch. On fire.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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