I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
