I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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