The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Randomize
