sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
