Porn is love you can see.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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