That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
