the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
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