My hand turned me down
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
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