Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Barsexuality is the new black.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
