Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
my being single is dangerous.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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