Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I cut my penus on the lid.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
